young man talks with loved one on national coming out day

How to Come Out to Friends & Family: In Honor of National Coming Out Day

Coming out as LGBTQ+ can be both a deeply personal and an emotional process. Whether you’re considering how to come out to your friends or how to come out to your family, this moment is a blend of excitement and anxiety. In honor of National Coming Out Day on October 11th, we’re sharing some tips to help guide you through the process and remind you that coming out is a courageous act of self-expression.

1. Come Out When You’re Ready

Coming out is a significant decision, and the timing should be entirely your own. Whether you’re thinking about coming out to your parents, friends, or other loved ones, it’s important to take your time. You don’t need to rush into it. The most important thing is that you feel emotionally ready to share your story and that you have taken the time to process your own feelings about your identity.

2. Plan What You Want to Say

When thinking of how to come out to your friends, it can be helpful to plan ahead and consider what you want to say beforehand. You might want to write down your thoughts or practice with someone you trust. Knowing what you want to express can help you stay calm and confident during the conversation. Here are some tips for planning your conversation when coming out to your parents, family, or friends:

  • Write down key points.
  • Practice with a trusted person.
  • Prepare for questions.

3. Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing and location matter when figuring out how to come out to your parents or friends. Try to choose a moment when they are calm and available to listen without distractions. Having the conversation in a private and comfortable setting can help everyone feel more relaxed, making it easier to talk openly.

4. Be Prepared for a Range of Reactions

People may react in different ways when you come out. Some may be supportive right away, while others might need more time to adjust. When planning how to come out to your friends and family, be prepared for a range of emotions, and remember that not all reactions will be positive immediately. It’s important to give your loved ones time to process what you’ve shared, especially if this is new information for them.

5. Surround Yourself with Support

Whether it’s a close friend, a trusted adult, or a community group, having a support network in place before and after coming out can make the process less isolating. If you’re unsure how to come out to your family, hearing from others who have gone through a similar experience can provide valuable guidance. Ask peers some of these questions for more advice:

  • How did you come out to your friends and family?
  • When was the right time for you to come out?
  • What were their reactions?
  • Did anyone need extra time to cope with the news?

6. Be Proud of Who You Are

Coming out is an act of self-love and bravery. Regardless of the reactions you receive, remember that being true to yourself is something to be celebrated. National Coming Out Day is about recognizing your courage to live authentically and embracing your identity with pride.

Ascend Is Here to Help

Coming out is a personal journey, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Whether you’re thinking about how to come out to your parents or exploring how to come out to your friends, take it at your own pace.

As an organization that supports the LGBTQIA+ community, we’ve been there for the preparation and the results of many coming out moments. Our team is here to support you and your family on your journey, offering compassionate care in a safe and inclusive environment. You don’t have to do this alone — we’re here to help.

Call 310.388.3713 or reach out online for more on our teen counseling services in LA.

National Coming Out Day Factsheet

Coming out as LGBTQ+ can be both an empowering and challenging experience for teens. Here’s what the latest data reveals about the journey, including the average age of coming out and the barriers LGBTQ+ youth face.

Average Age of Coming Out

LGBTQ+ youth often realize their sexual or gender identity early.

11 years old – Average age LGBQ+ youth realize they are something other than heterosexual.

12 ½ years old – Average age transgender and gender-expansive youth realize they are not cisgender

Many teens begin coming out to friends and family shortly after these realizations, but the decision varies depending on individual comfort levels.

Biggest Roadblocks to Coming Out

Fear of rejection – Many LGBTQ+ teens fear being rejected by family, friends, or their community.

Bullying and harassment – About 57% of LGBTQ+ teens report being harassed in the past 30 days due to their sexual or gender identity.

Mental health concerns – Over 55% of LGBTQ+ teens screened positive for depression, and over 60% for anxiety, making mental health struggles a significant barrier.

Lack of support in schools – Fewer than 20% of teens have access to LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education, and less than 14% are taught LGBTQ+ history.

Positive Outlook

Despite the challenges, 90.3% of LGBTQ+ teens are proud to be part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Many teens express hope for the future, believing that adulthood will bring more acceptance and freedom to live openly.

While many LGBTQ+ teens face obstacles, they remain hopeful and proud of their identities. At Ascend, we provide inclusive mental health services that ensure LGBTQ+ teens receive the care and support they need to thrive. Together, we can help create a safer, more inclusive world for all teens.

Sources:

1. HRC - 2023 LGBTQ+ Youth Report

2. UConn Today - National LGBTQ+ Survey Finds Many Teens Out to Family, Hopeful for Future; Problem Areas Remain

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